Lol, it¡¦s been a while since I write SenRu fics but
in this case it¡¦s not really SenRu nor RuSen, it's more
like Kaede¡¦s feelings and stuff. One thing¡¦s for sure
NO OOCness in this fic, pure Rukawa as he is and umm..
Sendoh too I guess¡KI don¡¦t know how to say..you see
Sendoh well, he is..umm..
Arh! Just read and find out, ok? If this fic is good
enough than you¡¦ll need tissues, if not just laugh at
it and say, ¡§ well, she did try her best!¡¨ ^^ thanks!
It¡¦s been a week, at last I¡¦m back at Kanagawa. I
can just imagine what he would say when I step into the
house, our house.
¡§ Kaede, I miss you so much. Did you miss me?¡¨
I hate to admit it even to myself but the fact is I
do, I do miss him. I always thought that I won¡¦t, that
one week is nothing much but after being together for so
many years is really hard trying to hide that feeling,
that feeling that makes one¡¦s heart twist and ache
whenever you think of him, you can call it pain maybe
but a nice sweet pain. Weird I know but that¡¦s how I
feel, I¡¦m never good at expressing my feelings to
others. I smiled, the fact that I miss him is one thing
telling him so is another. Sometimes I wonder if it¡¦s
hard to be with me, people say that I¡¦m cold and
distant that they never can understand me but he does, I
don¡¦t know how he knows but he just knows. He says it's
all in my eyes, sigh but it¡¦s hard to believe him at
times, he¡¦s such a sweet talker.
eh? The door is lock! That¡¦s odd. I sanked my hand
into the small black luggage I was carrying and took out
the key. The door opened and I took a step into the
house, looking around for a familiar figure but saw none
and the phone rang.
Expecting it was him, I quickly rush to it. Before I
wanted to pick the phone up I paused for a moment, even
I don¡¦t understand myself at times, I was fill with
excitement, I was so eagered to pick up the phone, to
hear his voice but I resist myself, not wanting to pick
up the phone so soon, giving him the thought that I was
already there waiting.. sigh, < you¡¦re hopeless
sometimes, Kaede > I thought. < Is it that difficult to
show that you care? >
The phone continue to ring, once, twice, on and on.
I finally pick it up on the seventh ring.
¡§ hello,¡¨ I said coolly.
¡§ hello, is that you Rukawa? It¡¦s Hikoichi Aida
here, I¡¦ve been trying to call you for the past three
hours,¡¨an anxious voice at the other hand.
¡§ what about?¡¨ I asked still in monotone.
¡§ umm..it's about Sendoh-san. I..I¡K,¡¨ Hikoichi's
voice was getting softer and softer and my heart was
beating faster and faster.
¡§ what¡¦s with Akira?? What happen?¡¨ by then all
the coolness in me were gone.
¡§ I¡K¡¨ the voice at the other end shows
doubtfulness.
¡§ what is it?¡¨ I was almost shouting.
¡§ Sendoh¡K he pass away three hours ago,¡¨ soft
was the voice but loud enough for me to hear every
single word.
I drop the receiver¡K I drop down to the floor
along with it.
Thirty seconds pass, and I was still sitting there
by the phone in disbelieved. My heart was pounding
madly, ¡§no.. no..¡¨
The phone rang again, and this time I pick it up
instantly before the first ring ended. I was hoping
hoping that it would be Akira this time, calling up
making fun of me.
< Kaede, got you! Look out the window, I'm outside
> that¡¦s what I hoping to hear as I looked out the
window, hoping to see him there with his smile, hoping
he was there holding an umbrella under the snow¡K but
I saw no one, and I heard Hikoichi¡¦s voice instead.
¡§ Rukawa, are you alright?? Rukawa!¡¨
¡§ Hikoichi, where is he?¡¨ totally ignoring the
question that was asked. I need to see him now, now!
¡§ umm.. Kanagawa General Hospital,¡¨ that was the
answer. And that's all I need to know, I drop the
receiver again, with my sweater still on, I rushed
outside and hailed a taxi.
--------------------------------------------------------
There he was lying there smiling like he always need
. He was badly wounded, real badly but yet he was
smiling still as if he had died with full happiness. And
for the very first time, I hate that smiled on his face,
it makes my heart twist and ache but this time is pain,
real heart-braking pain. I wanted to cry so badly.. I
wanted to but I can¡¦t. I can¡¦t! even at times like
this I still find it hard to show my true feelings and I
hate myself for it.
From the policeman, I learnt that Akira died in an
accident. A passerby said that Akira was so preoccupied
with something that he totally forgot about the traffic
as he crossed the street. There was one word in my mind
when I hear this, < dumb! > < how could you be so
careless, how could you! What was so damn important than
your own life??!! > A voice broke my thought.
¡§ Rukawa-san, the victim was holding something in
his hand while the tragic incident happened. Somehow he
wouldn¡¦t let go off it. Here,¡¨ a police officer said
to me as he pass me a little blue box and walked away.
I opened it, it was a beautiful ring, plain it maybe
but just the way I like it, ~my Kaede~ was crafted on it
.
--------------------------------------------------------
I was home again. It seems so empty without him.
¡§Everything in this house belongs to us, not you
and not me but us!,¡¨ that was what he always says. Yes,
everything in the house was really belongs to us,
nothing was personal..nothing except a little dark brown
book, it was Sendoh¡¦s diary. Even though he said that
the book also belongs to us because everything inside
the book was about us, too but I never read it up till
now.
The phone receiver was left hanging, the luggage was
still in the hall way, but it doesn¡¦t matter. Nothing
seems to matter anymore as I sat there in the corner of
our room and opened the book.
--------------------------------------------------------
11.7.1997
Sunny as always. It's always sunny with Kaede around
. ^^ I finally confessed my love to Kaede. I was damn
scared as I see him staring at me, knowing the chances
that he may never ever talk to me again after this. But
I really need to know, I couldn¡¦t hold it much longer.
The fact that he actually smiled and nodded was even
scarier..haha.. but I¡¦m so happy right now! J
I bought this book on this same night and it would
be all about us. I want to write every single thing down
. I don¡¦t want to forget any of it. this would be a
special diary!
Akira.
--------------------------------------------------------
I continued reading until I comes across a word that
caught my attention.
--------------------------------------------------------
25.12.1997
CHRISTMAS!!! The very first Christmas we spend
together. Haha.. can you believe that Kaede doesn't know
what day it was? Sigh! And he didn't get me any presents
, not that it matters or anything. I made him make up
his mistake by urging him to have our photos taken. Boy,
he was so reluctant to do so..haha.. His looked so funny
, trying to show his dissatisfaction and at the same
time trying hard not to laugh as I continued to make him
do so¡K sometimes I could be annoying¡Kgiggles.
Akira.
--------------------------------------------------------
I felt bad, I was always the ignorant one. I didn¡¦t
get Sendoh anything and yet I still shows
dissatisfaction on that day.
--------------------------------------------------------
14.2.1998
Valentine¡¦s day!! ~grins~ Kaede don¡¦t know this
great day too!! Haha..funny boy he is. But he need
remember it¡¦s my birthday, and I am so content with
that. He bought me a gift too!!! Guess what?? A new pair
of basketball shoes..haha. Call myself lucky he didn¡¦t
get me a basketball¡K. Hehe.. I got him a silver
necklace, with a pendants a ¡§A¡¨ that was uniquely
crafted. J I had to persuaded him to put it on. He says
that accessories are for girls!! At last I got a ¡§K¡¨
myself and he finally satisfied and wore it¡Khehe..
Stubborn at times but just the way I like it.
Akira.
--------------------------------------------------------
I touches the silver pendent on my neck, I had it on
for almost five years now. My grip tighten as I turned
the page with my another hand, controlling all my
emotion. As I read on all kinds of feelings filled my
heart, sometimes I just can¡¦t help smiling at my
childish Akira, content and happy with all the itsy
bitsy stuff that I did, it never strike to me that
buying a fishing rod for him for Christmas, giving him a
little kiss, brought him to meet my parents, even just a
small smile can bring him so much happiness. I should
have done more, much more. How much I regretted right
now¡K
--------------------------------------------------------
1.1.1999
guess what?? We got a new place. Yap, I couldn¡¦t
believe it myself! Remember that I asked Kaede if he
would move in with me on Christmas Eve and he agreed?
We went looking the very next day and found this
wonderful house, small it maybe but just right for the
two of us ^^. Furthermore, the rent is cheap cause the
owner need to leave Japan rather suddenly. This house
was the greatest Christmas gift ever! I¡¦m taking up a
part time job right now to pay for the rent. Kaede
wanted to do the same but I won¡¦t allowed it. it¡¦s his
last year in high school, I want him to concentrate on
his studies then he can attend the same university as me
.
Hehe.. Kaede was worried that I could not cope. See
he do care?? Haha..and I can cope, I am Sendoh Akira,
remember??
Akira.
--------------------------------------------------------
There he goes again being too good to me. I had to
admit that he totally pampered me..haha.. and it makes
me feel guilty at times but I love it, having all the
attention on me. Maybe it¡¦s because I¡¦m distant with
other people, and they don¡¦t understand me, they don¡¦t
seem to care. I can only gain others attention through
basketball and that is why I loved it, that is why I
love Akira too because he love me.
--------------------------------------------------------
25.12.1999
today was the greatest day of my live!! Haha.. I¡¦m
hopeless I know, everyday is the greatest day of my live
~grin~but today was totally different. I've been worried
sick for the last few weeks and the only cure was
Kaede¡¦s word. He got a scholarship offering him to go
to the states and study and of cause the most important
thing is play basketball, man NBA and me!! Even I¡¦m
afraid to compare that, I was never brave enough to ask
which was more important to him cause I was afraid of
the answer¡K yap, the great Sendoh afraid, shakes head I
know J anyway, his exact words ¡K
¡§ I¡¦m not going¡¨ his back was facing me that
moment and I was actually confuse.
¡§ huh?¡¨ that was me of course.
¡§ I¡¦m not going to the states,¡¨ and that was the
great shock all I could manage to say was, ¡§but..¡¨ and
he turned smiling at me¡Koh my god!!
¡§ I have something much important here in Japan,
here in Kanagawa, in this house,¡¨ his EXACT WORDS, I
SWEAR!!!
Don¡¦t tell anyone this but I actually cried
embarass LOL I cant help it at that time, what do you
expect??
Joy to the world!! Joy to me!!
Akira.
--------------------------------------------------------
Come to think of it that was the one greatest thing
I ever done for Akira and I never regretted it. did I
really said that?? Haha.. I guess I did, I¡¦ve actually
express my feeling, well indirectly maybe but still I
did.
I read on and on¡K I was holding the tears that were
so wanting to come out. I don¡¦t know what was holding
me back. And I continued reading as the clock strike
twice. It was already two in the morning and finally I
reached the last page, it was dated yesterday.
YESTERDAY!!
--------------------------------------------------------
25.12.2001
it¡¦s Christmas again! It¡¦ll be the fifth Christmas
we spent together. I¡¦m glad that Kaede is coming back
this afternoon. I¡¦ve got great plans for the day. J I
still can¡¦t believe it¡¦s been five years now.. the
time we spent together. I¡¦ve read back through this
diary bit by bit each day for the whole week. I really
can¡¦t help it, I miss him so much!! And reading you
brings back so much memories. From the declaration of my
love , to moving in together, Kaede giving up the states
and the chance to play in the NBA for me, that was the
greatest scarifies he made that I feel selfish sometimes
just thinking about it, so I'm making the most important
decision of my life today! ^^
I¡¦m giving you away, haha..I'm giving you to Kaede.
It¡¦s not the diary I¡¦m giving it¡¦s happiness! This
diary represent happiness and I¡¦m giving him that.
Tell you what it¡¦s finally ready today!! I¡¦m going
over to the shop to pick it up and come home instantly..
really can¡¦t wait to see him and asked him the greatest
question of my live!! Together we¡¦ll start a new diary
winks
Yours Akira.
Merry Christmas dear Kaede,
Would you marry me??
--------------------------------------------------------
And then I realized what was holding me back, I was
waiting..waiting for this moment and with that tears
came rolling down my eyes.
¡§ I do, Akira! I do!¡¨ my voice was soft but I know
that he hears me, he¡¦ll know. He always does.
¡ãThe End¡ã
|